My life...on the gaylist

Jus trynna keep my cool...after a long hard day of work I check my phone and I have this email from my uncle/church pastor Boe Mason. These past few weeks have been really crazy dealing with this man. Having not seen him in almost ten years, I was shocked and amazed at how this holy man of God came off to be so vicious and nasty toward me.

I saw uncle Boe over thanksgiving at a family gathering and dinner. There were other family members there too, mostly from my mothers side of the family. Since I could remember this family was heavily rooted in church and very extreme in their religious tradition and beliefs. I grew up Christian, obviously, not like I could have branched off as a Muslim or anything. Like Christian beliefs, family values are also passed down through generations. As children you can never question anything, all the answers are in the book. I believed that for a long time, even when I knew I was gay. That is why it is hard for me to believe men when they say they were once gay but are now delivered. I feel they are being torn away from their true selves to be a representation of someone or something else.This was not something I snapped into one day at the age of 16, that crazy but the belief of the majority.  DL is proof that people are not gay by choice. Sadly, I starting breaking down and hating myself. The total opposite of what I was being taught to believe in. This is where the confusion came in and I started questioning. I was being brainwashed into believing that who I was was a choice, a disgrace and an abomination. For a while I did what most gay men do, I faked it. Lived A fake life of lies and deception to make people believe I was worthy enough for their love and approval? I was apart of something that hated me and who I was, so why stay? So I left.

Some didn't like that, but I didn't care. I was no longer a puppet for lies, hate and deception.

I starting doing religious history and astrology research in my quest for wisdom and understanding, the Bible says we must have that.It concluded that all religions come together and go back to ancient Egypt sun worship and astrology. The bible is full of Pagan laws (613) or commandments that nooooone follows according to how it should be in the Bible. Laws that encourage and instruct on slavery, rape, and murder. It would be a different world, time and place if the Government and Church actually held us to the Biblical standards 100%. yes I absolutely believe in God. There is so much that cannot be explained in this universe, that there has to be. Creation serves to explain everything while evolution/science seeks to prove it but that also is not perfect or has all the answers. Many say it claims to but it doesn't. It's more about actuality and rationality. It is possible that the human mind may not even be able to fully understand what and who God is, we only use 10% of our brain mass. Finite minds cannot conceive the infinite...all religion serves a purpose to inspire and give people life purpose and meaning bc they were unable to find that on their own.

I have been getting voice mails, phone calls and text messages, yes text messages, from my uncle saying things like this like this :

Believe me when I say son, you're headed to Hell in a hand basket trying to play these games with GOD!! Because you're not playing any games with me. When you start to put a deaf ear to the truth you have to suffer the consequences

Hell in a hand basket, that's cutier than going to hell with gasoline draws on :-)

Interesting though because sadly this is all I can remember about Church growing up; fear-hell-fear-die-fear-burn-fear-suffer

I told him str8 out after 4 previous times to just leave me alone and that his remarks were getting quite offensive and disrespectful. Because, family member or not, YOU CAN GET THE BUSINESS! and he has not had the cleanest past himself, or even now from what I hear, so he, or anyone else, has a lot of nerve to look down at someone and be so judgmental. No one on this planet is the right hand of God, supposedly the only person that comes close is the Pope. Not once, after not seeing him or speaking to him for years, did he ask about current or past situations or how I was doing. He was acting just like Hitler. I advised him to join an extremist Christian group and I would believe him. Everyone reading this believed that the religious extremist who planned 9/11 really hated America and wanted to die for their beliefs. If I ever really did have a serious life crisis, I know who not to ever call him for help or support. Why does Christianity have to be used in such a nasty vicious way and pull families apart? Our Black families have enough 'reasons' to be separated, why must we constantly be searching for more? I guess the reason why I stopped believing in all this is because I never saw it doing what it claimed it was going to do. Reminds me of politicians. Am I so wrong for wanting to just live my life for me and be happy and true to myself? Can I live?

My life...on the gaylist