The hardest person to talk to about your sexuality is your family, especially when it is so taboo. It is ten times harder when your Mother is a devout Christian. I came out to my Mother 5 years ago, and the arguments we have make it seem like it was only yesterday.
Soon I turn 24 and we still wrestle back and forth about the same ideas and philosophy's, that we probably we never agree on. But over the course of the years, I have grown to realize that it is VERY difficult to turn a religiously committed and devout Christian away from what they believe so deeply in. Scientific proof, written or spoken words, documentaries, books, testimonies, witnesses...nothing will ever be strong enough to break their faith. I say that because she asked me to prove that people can be born gay. But there will always be a scripture for any thought, feeling, idea or emotion, so it is a pointless argument.Kudos to anyone who has had an emotional life struggle and felt that religion was their calling and solution. We all deal with the same struggles just on different levels. And I believe that we all find our own ways to cop, adapt and get the most out of life, while others fail. That is simply life. Many Christians say that when they gave their lives over to Christ they felt fulfilled, happy, was lost but now found ( you guys know the song) and have some sort of life direction. We all choose different paths to travel in life. That is why when you look out at the world and you see how so much diversity exists, cultures and people, that is proof of social evolution. Me going through what I have gone through with family and friends, wonder why does religion misleads people into thinking they know how to truly love unconditionally. Religion has been the cause of many family splits, no daughter-Mother, son-Father relationships, suicides, war and blood shed all over the world, it is not worth it. My Mother and I used to have a best friends type of relationship. Now its clear that I am only tolerated because I am loved and I am the Son. I had to remind her that true LOVE is UNCONDITIONAL. You either love me for who I am or you don't love me at all.
Isn't that a universal type thing though? Don't we all say take me as I am? No matter the type of relationship, we all wanted to not only be accepted but respected. My Mother, like most Christians, feel that it was a choice to be gay, that this is a chosen lifestyle. HA! I had to let her know how offensive that was. To be Gay Black Male in America is NO easy task. In my 24 years of life, I have seen, felt, witnessed, endured, struggled, went up came down, and cried til it hurt; heard much cruelty and evil, I have suffered emotionally and mentally growing up, I hated myself and had no self love or esteem for years. I was conflicted with myself and didn't know how to perceive others. I didn't know what true love was and didn't know how to love. Why in the hell would I choose that route? Why would I pick a life of double the stress and pain? A CHOICE! C'mon let's be real.
All the blacks who were murdered, raped, tortured and bound to chains didn't choose to Black so they can purposely go thru slavery.
Why is it that Black families have such a difficult time dealing with homosexuality? I believe it has to do with what traditional Southern Baptist religion has been telling people over the past few hundred years; back in the slavery times when all Blacks had to hold on to was faith and God. Is it ironic that the same Bible used to oppress and kill Blacks and slaves and many millions around the world, We use ourselves to condemn our own people? I dream of a place that will never exist because mankind will always mess things up, but I pray for peace within my own world and I truly realize that I can only control my own destiny.
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2 comments:
Your absolutely right E. I came out to my mom when I was like 18. And we never got along. I dont even know what made me tell her, I guess the fact that I believed she knew already. But we've never talked about it since then. Ive never actually told anyone else in my family but come on, they know. They dont acknowledge it though. They are devout christians. I love them dearly but I am who I am, whether you chose to acknowledge it or not. Im just glad that Ive never received any negativity about it from them. Its bad enough we have to receive negativity from the rest of the world, but when it comes from your own blood, that hurts.
I wonder what it is about telling them what they already know. It seems to make EVERYTHING different. I think it is because they force themselves over time not to have to deal with it and make themselves numb emotionally to even talking about it. Meanwhile, their children, family and friends struggle internally for years. I love my family but I love myself too and I have to be happy and live my life for me, and no one else. The crazy thing is that our own blood was taught to turn on us back in the slavery days. Proves that problems that slavery revolutionized still reside in our communities today.
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